Sonder

As I sit here waiting for my car to get serviced, I can't help but stare at some of the other people and wonder what they're thinking. It reminds me of a term I recently learned, "sonder."

sonder - n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. 

It really doesn't seem that way when you're people watching. They just kind of seem like they're part of your world. Background characters, extras, etc.

Being conscious of this concept really helps increase gratitude and compassion. It makes you realize that you have no idea what people are going through. Maybe that barista didn't put a smile on her face as she handed you your coffee because she's in the middle of a breakup or her manager just cut her hours. Maybe that person cut you off in traffic because they recently found out that a member of their family is about to pass away and they're trying to rush to the hospital. Realizing that these are distinct possibilities feeds the idea of most people are generally good people. Giving them the benefit of the doubt is far better than getting angry and assuming someone is choosing negativity. Like Buddha said, anger is like holding onto a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone. Only you get burned.

Sonder is the reason why random acts of kindness are so important. We have no idea if someone's life is extremely easy or difficult at the moment. Not too long ago, I was in the gym waiting behind this lady at the paper towel machine. She squirted the cleaning solution on a couple pieces and handed them to me with a big smile on her face. Now this may seem quite miniscule as far as acts of kindness go, but it actually made my day. It restored that hope of goodness in people that I seem to gradually lose as I watch the events in the world unfold today. It made me remember that there are humans out there that care for their fellow human.

My hope is that someday, everyone can become aware of sonder and keep it in mind when faced with people displaying negativity or even showing kindness. Knowing that they may have just fought an internal war and still chose to hand me a piece of paper towel with a smile on their face. That perspective gives me hope.